I Could Give You Reasons, But Would It Matter?
by Pain Not the Measure of Mercy
Summary: One shot, song fic. I guess set a little after episode 109. Rated M for drug use.


Author's Note: This is what happens when I write random things at 3am. I've never written a one shot or a song fic so here's to hoping this isn't pure crap! (raises shot glass)

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I Could Give You Reasons, But Would It Matter?

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There are many titles to describe Nathan Scott. 

Nathan Scott, star player of Tree Hill Ravens.

Nathan Scott, boyfriend to Haley James.

Nathan Scott, son of Dan Scott.

And the newest title, which only he knew.

Nathan Scott, junkie.

_I got a candle,  
And I've got a spoon_

He sucked the coating off the little green pill. It tasted some thing close to what he imaged rotten eggs would taste like but it was worth the high he would be feeling later. After getting the entire coating off he placed the pill on a twenty dollar bill then folded the bill so the pill was enclosed inside.

_I live in a hallway with no doors  
And no rooms_

He got up from his desk and walked over to the dress where he found a pair of pliers. _This is my only escape_ he thought as he walked back to the desk and began to beat the twenty with the pliers thus crushing the pill inside.

_Under a windowsill  
They all were found_

In the dresser by his window was the rest of his 'kit'. A spoon, lighter, cotton balls, and a needle. He brought it back to his desk and began to 'fix a pill'. He stopped for a second when he thought he heard his parents downstairs then continued reminding himself that neither were home.

_A touch of concrete within the doorway  
Without a sound_

Nathan opened the twenty and poured the pill powder into the spoon. Then after going to the bathroom and putting a little water in the spoon he came back sat down and lit the lighter under the spoon. It took a few seconds for the mixture to bubble. After it finally had he traded the lighter for a piece of cotton ball which he placed in the spoon letting it suck up some of the mix. He then placed the needle in the cotton ball and began drawing up the blend of water and pill powder.

_Someone save me if you will  
And take away all these pills  
And please just save me if you can  
From my blasphemy in my wasteland_

Carefully he placed the needle in the his vein and pushed the solution into his system. Smiling, Nathan put everything back in its place. He was happy and problem free for a while and he relished it.

Haley waited, at Karen's Café, for Nathan to arrive. He showed up late, which was becoming more and more of a regular occurrence lately. She ignored it and they went to the movies.

Halfway through the movie Haley noticed Nathan appeared to be falling asleep.

"Nathan?" Haley whispered quietly. He muttered something unintelligible. "Nathan!' She tried again a little louder.

"Yea?" His head shot up.

"Are you ok?"

"Yea, I'm just tired." He lied. He was nodding. _I knew I shouldn't have done that pill before I came._ He mentally kicked himself, not for doing the drugs themselves but, for his timing.

Haley looked into his eyes and could tell he was lying. She could also tell he was high. Without another word she grabbed her purse and stormed out of the movie theater.

Hours later Nathan sat in his room coming down from his high still trying to reach Haley. He tried her cell phone for the tenth time in two hours. Still no answer. He didn't understand what had happened.

_How did I get here  
And what went wrong  
_

He thought about shooting up again but decided against it, for now. Not because he didn't want to but he was running low on pills and wouldn't see Tim or his brother again until Monday.

It was late and Nathan finally decided to give up on the day. He took a quick shower and got into bed.

Nathan rolled over and grabbed his cell phone to see what time it was, 9:46am. It also told him he had a new voicemail. He lazily click through everything to get to the message. It was from Haley.

_Nathan, I can't do this anymore. You lied, you said that the game was the only time. It wasn't I saw it in your eyes so don't even try to tell me you weren't. I'm sorry please forgive me for doing this over the phone but I can't see you. I just can't._

After the message had ended he immediately threw the phone across the room and went to fix another pill.

_Couldn't handle forgiveness  
Now I'm far beyond gone_

Finally starting to feel the high Nathan went into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror. _Fuck her, her loss. I'm Nathan fucking Scott, I can have any girl in Tree Hill. _He thought, then in the back of his mind heard.

_Except her._

Everyone around school began to notice the change in Nathan, but most figured it was just the break-up with Haley. But that didn't account for the change in his appearance, the sunken eyes, the weight loss, his hair was always a mess now, he just didn't care anymore. His personality had also changed, he was hallow and uncaring about anything including basketball.

_I can hardly remember  
The look of my own eyes  
_

Nathan sat alone in his room one Friday night. He'd skipped the basketball game. Dan was going to be pissed but he didn't care anymore about anything he finally admitted to himself. When he began using it was just to escape from Dan and the pressure that come along with being Nathan Scott. Well he'd eliminated that but everything else with it too, basketball, Haley, school, nothing mattered. His life was slowly slipping away and now he finally realized it.

_How can I love this a life so dishonest  
It made me compromise_

He picked up the house phone and began dialing, he was going to get clean but he needed help.

"What do you want Nathan?"

"Haley? I need to talk to you."

"Well I don't want to talk to you." She said and began to hang up.

"WAIT! Haley please just give me two minutes."

"Two minutes that's it." She said after a long pause.

"Thank you. I know you're pissed ok and you're right I lied and I'm sorry but Haley baby I promise you I want to quit." Nathan began explaining. He paused for a minute not wanting to admit the next part of the sentence. He finally did. "I need help."

_Someone save me if you will  
And take away all these pills  
And please just save me if you can  
From my blasphemy in my wasteland_

Nathan sat in Haley's room after the phone call he had gotten her to agree to let him come over. He sat on her bed as she looked at him, the question she hadn't asked on the phone she asked now. "Why?" She asked simply.

_The hardest question to answer  
Is why _

Why 

"I could give you reasons, but it wouldn't matter. It doesn't justify it, so I won't try."

Nathan Scott, star player of Tree Hill Ravens.

Nathan Scott, boyfriend to Haley James.

Nathan Scott, son of Dan Scott.

All these titles disappeared when the news broke in Tree Hill. Nathan Scott wasn't the golden boy anymore. Now he had a new title. Nathan Scott, former junkie.

_Someone save me if you will  
And take away all these pills  
And please just save me if you can  
From my blasphemy in my wasteland_

He hated that word, junkie. But it's what he was and always would be. He just wasn't an active junkie anymore.


End file.
